Does the title of my post scare you? Has it perpetuated your fears that my afore mentioned allegedly stolen brain has not resurfaced, and that I still have nothing to say? I realize that discussing the weather is what many people do when there is an awkward silence, a break in conversation that desperately needs to be filled with something… say anything please. Let me put those fears to rest and expound on this, my actual topic for today.
The weather season I’d like to focus on is winter.
Winter is my kryptonite. It’s my weakness.
If I were a film maker, my winter montage would show:
• my pipes exploding,
• me perpetually shoveling my endless driveway,
• frigid frozen brittle blue fingers,
• the plastic piece in my car (which will not start) that covers the battery positive/negative terminal, breaking off in my hand,
• said car now running, sliding sideways out of control on a sheet of black ice, as a deer watches from the side of the road in deep contemplation of my winter driving skills,
• dogs wearing sweaters shivering as they try to relieve themselves in the snow,
• a running nose with ice particles forming around the nostrils,
• and finally, me flapping my arms for balance as my feet slide out from under me and I land hard on my flying buttress.
Now that we’ve established what winter means to me, let’s discuss today’s weather:
Much like a “snow day”, today is a “cold day”. School has been cancelled because of the extreme cold.
How cold does it have to be for school to be cancelled you ask? I don’t know, I respond.
I do know that the forecast for today’s high temperature is 0 Fahrenheit, -18 Celsius. The low “wind chill factor” -35 degrees Fahrenheit. (Would this be a great idea for a reality show? Like “Fear Factor”, but this show would be “Wind Chill Factor”… What degrees of cold do you feel like you can tolerate?)
I may be showing my age, but I don’t remember wind chill factors being reported when I was a child. The “it feels like” weather reporting system didn’t emerge until the 1970’s.
“It feels like” a media creation used for dramatic effect. Is this science or some random number? For the meteorologist, (weather man) to say “the temperature is -2, but it feels like -35″ feels subjective to me. How do they presume to tell me how cold I feel? What if I’m wearing a hat and my coat is zipped all the way up? What if I’m one of those idiots who goes “polar bearing”.
They don’t feel cold the same way I feel cold. What if I’m menopausal and having a hot flash? Is that factored in?
Does Europe report wind chill, or do they stick to the facts: temperature, wind speed, and precipitation?
Apparently, there is a “scientific formula” to determine “wind chill”. (I am using “” to emphasize a sarcastic tone.) Here is the Fahrenheit version: Wind Chill = 35.74 + 0.6215T – 35.75(V^0.16) + 0.4275T(V^0.16)
Rather than using our scientific genius to create formulas that will tell us how cold we “feel“, why not try to cure cancer? “It feels like” reporting wind chill factors gives us a new reason for us to feel sorry for ourselves.
These weather cogitations-(today’s word of the day on dictionary.com) of mine are all for naught. I can’t change the weather. I could move to a different climate, but then I’d have to go back to the case my missing brain, and list possible suspects.
Let me end with some nice thoughts, an oasis:
• A blanket of snow… (it sounds so comforting)
• Hot coco with whipped cream… (yum)
• Groundhogs day is less than four weeks away… (yay!)
• Spring is my sanctuary… (sigh)
Dec 7, 2015
A sanctuary is a place you can escape to, to catch your breath and remember who you are. Write about the place you go to when everything is a bit too much.