Singular

I must establish one fact prior to proceeding with today’s rant. That is the acknowledgement that I am far from perfect. I’ve come to terms with this, and while I am on a lifelong quest for self improvement, perfection is an unattainable goal. That however, is not the reason I will die alone. 

There are several reasons, but one is that today, a majority of people meet through online dating sites. I refuse to participate. I have friends who have done so, and some who continue to participate in this endeavor. A small number of them have had positive end results, while the majority have benefited only in that they have amassed  several entertaining stories of online dates gone wrong. I have looked into a few online sites myself and as such, read my share of profiles, and seen the accompanying photos. My opinion is set.

The online dating scene, as I see it, has all the negativity associated with blind dating, without the benefit of a recommendation by someone you know. The fact that these potential dates are complete strangers to you, and considering that you share no common acquaintance with whom to check the validity of said strangers claims, seems like a disaster in the making. 

“At 50, everyone has the face he deserves.” ~ George Orwell

Contrary to what I think, I am not young. Sadly, that means that most of the men who are my age are not young either.  

Those men fall into three categories:

1. Whether or not they have, they look as if they have had extremely difficult lives. I won’t mention the brown and missing teeth. These men who claim to be my age give the appearance of those who abuse alcohol, drugs and or food, and who never venture into any type of physical exertion other than beer lifts. Either that, or they are simply confused about their age.

2. They are married and using fake names. This is where a blind date would have an advantage. Without a common friend to confirm statements, how do you check a strangers facts, short of hiring a private detective to complete a background check?

3. None of these men can compete with my imaginary British boyfriend Colin Firth, and that’s okay. I’d rather be alone than with the wrong person. The wrong person being anyone who is not Colin Firth. Colin is the standard to which I hold all men.

I’d like to help those men who are doing everything wrong, so that they might have better results with anyone, except me. To them I say: rethink the two quintessential tools in your online dating toolbox:

The Photo—

   A. Do not post a picture of yourself wearing an old, armpit stained white undershirt. 

   B. Don’t hold a bong in your profile picture.

   C. Don’t use a photo featuring a drunk looking woman, hanging off a drunk looking you. 

   D. Don’t post photos of yourself with your children. Children’s pictures should not be floating around cyberspace, and posting that type of photo makes you seem desperate to replace their mommy. 

   E. Do not post old pictures. They are kind of easy to spot when there’s a console television in the background. No one cares what you looked like in the 80’s… except maybe your mom.

   F. Every seven year old child can take a selfie. There is no reason in 2015, that anyone should have a photo of themselves, taken facing a mirror, with the camera half obstructing their face. 

The Profile—

   A. Check your spelling, check your grammar, check your ego at the door. 

   B. Saying you are “cute and funny”, implies to me that you are neither. You, I would guess, are one of those people who laughs at their own jokes. Saying you’re cute, is overreaching your position. That is for others to determine.

   C. If you are a 55 year old man, seeking a 25 year old woman, and you fit any of the physical descriptions listed above, best of luck to you. Perhaps you should invest in a mirror.

As I said, I am not perfect. What is perfect is the fact that I have conquered any fears that I may have once had of being alone… I embrace it.

__________________________________

The Daily Post, September 16, 2015, Daily Prompt: Phobia, Shmobia~ Fears evolve over time. What is one fear you’ve conquered?<a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/phobia-shmobia/”>Phobia, Shmobia</a><a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/phobia-shmobia/”>Phobia, Shmobia</a>

4 thoughts on “Singular

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