I want…so many things. Like every other human being, my main objective is happiness. Happy is my wish for myself, my children, and my friends and family…basically everyone on my cell phone network. Everything in life falls under the happy umbrella: health, safety, self sufficiency for my offspring, love.
My own happiness is directly tied to those I birthed. Since two have reached or passed the magic number of emancipation—18, to be happy, first and foremost, I must lie to myself. Sometimes happy is only possible through denial, selective sight, poor hearing, limited intelligence. This is not difficult for me.
What is hard is knowing when to deprive myself of this happy state of denial, putting away my happy umbrella in order to engage in the stress of reality. Although I try, these days there is no avoiding reality, so I’ve caged my butterflies and rainbows with hopes that I can release them into the wild again in the Fall.
Now that I’ve opened my mind to reality, I must not allow thoughts of dogs in China, corporate corruption, or the presidential race to infiltrate. My reality must be limited to that which I must and can affect.
This aspect is precarious. College loans for two of my spawn are at the summit of this mountain I must climb. A jagged overhang is my credit card, which has creeped up with school applications, deposits, dorm supplies, auto repairs…I could continue, but you get the idea—there is never enough money.
The logistics of getting these people to their schools on opposite coasts, with their gear is another butress to conquer. My natural self preserving response would be to tell myself all will be well, make a list, take one foothold at a time, deflect the falling rocks which are life’s typical daily set backs.
Bailing is not an option, but reminding myself that the dust will settle in the fall is helpful. Then, I’ll open my happy umbrella again, release the butterflies and rainbows, and return to my normal state of happily delusional.
*Artwork by Zoe
June 27, 2016, One Word Daily Prompt: Deprive~ <a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/deprive/”>Deprive</a>