Name Calling a Suicide Bomber

70 year old Donald Trump is forever young. His four year old mind responded to the senseless suicide bombing at the Ariana Grande concert in Manchester on Tuesday by name calling. Those responsible are “evil losers in life” who murdered “so many young, beautiful, innocent people living and enjoying their lives.” Trump said he would not call those responsible “monsters, because “they would like that term. They would think that’s a great name.”

“I will call them, from now on, losers, because that’s what they are,” Trump said. “They’re losers, and we’ll have more of them, but they’re losers. Just remember that.” 

You may want to write that down to help you remember…it might be on the test. Let’s review: “They’re losers.”

This is the complex thought process of the leader of the free world. What name can I call them? He puts more thought into selecting an insult than into healthcare for Americans. 

Donald Trump was in Jerusalem at the time of the bombing— you may have heard he had been in the Middle East prior that, but he left the Middle East and went to Israel. 

In Israel Trump said, “Our Secretary of State has done a great job. We just got back from the Middle East, Saudi Arabia, and we were treated incredibly well.” 

He must have traveled in his imaginary airplane. Somebody tell the jackass Israel is part of the Middle East. 

There was no mention of chocolate cake on this visit to the Middle East. Perhaps they have cake in Israel.

While in the Middle East, Son in law Kushner (the guy we elected…never) negotiated a $109 billion arms deal with the Saudis. Secretary of State Rex Tillerson said that was just one component of $350 billion in economic and defense investments between the two countries over the next 10 years. 

This is a yuge improvement over Obama’s relationship with the Saudis which had been strained over Saudi bombings of hundreds of Yemeni civilians. We won’t call them losers though…because they have money and oil, and we want some.

Trump and his team have made it clear that human rights violations will not affect deals with other countries. 

As a show of gratitude, the Saudis donated $100 million to Kushner’s wife Ivanka Trump’s brand new “women’s charity”… because the Trumps care about women’s issues as much as they care about human rights. If only women were human…life would be great in the Middle East and in Israel. Perhaps Ivanka’s new women’s charity will provide botox and breast implants for poor flat chested losers with frown lines. 

Let’s review this administrations priorities:

  1. Make personal profit.
  2. Make Russia great again.
  3. Eliminate healthcare.

Pop quiz—

  • Question: What do you call a suicide bomber? 
  • Answer: Evil losers
  • Question: Why?
  • Answer: “because that’s what they are.”

*Photo of an actual loser taken either in the Middle East or in Israel.


<a href=””>Catapult</a&gt;

Trump: Your Secrets about ___, ___, and ____ are Safe With Me…Did Everyone Get That?

First…well actually not first, but one of the more recent bonehead treasonous moves Donald Trump made last week was when he held a meeting in the Oval Office with Russian operatives and shared highly classified information with them. 

That move was either dangerous and traitorous, or it was dangerous and stupid. As dangerous as it was, we have learned from past experience with Trump that it can always be worse. 

Dumb met dumber and birthed an orange inheritance moron with foot in mouth disease and named him Donald. I believe junior was deprived of oxygen a little longer than necessary because when he was born the doctor slapped his mother. (Old joke, but it actually might have happened in this case.)

Today President Donald Trump met in Israel with Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, and announced to the press: 

“I never mentioned the word or the name Israel” during Oval Office meeting with Russians. I NEVER SHARED INFO THAT WE GOT FROM ISRAEL.”

Okay, no one said you did jackass. 
Verbally clumsy oaf Donald Trump implicated Israel as the source of U.S. intelligence with his statement today. 

It would not be surprising to find other countries refraining from sharing intelligence in the future, because Donald Trump is like that friend who just can not keep a secret. If you retain the friendship, it’s arms length…but the safest course of action would be to set them adrift.


<a href=””>Adrift</a&gt;

Reading the News, So You Don’t Have To

Lately I’m torn between needing a day off from politics, and sitting on the edge of my seat waiting for the next thing. The next thing is always only a few hours away, which adds a high level of anticipation to my news addiction. Donald Trump has turned me into a backseat political analyst. But I don’t do this for myself, I read the news so you don’t have to. This is a free service I offer to society…because I am a humanitarian.
Today I scan through the news and find Trump’s first trip outside his bubble: to Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, Jerusalem, Bethlehem, Vatican City, Brussels, and Sicily. That story is battling with impeachment speculation for top spot today. 

As far as said trip, the most prevalent theme is “don’t do anything stupid.” Everyone is offering up their own version of the same advise: Don’t talk about crowd size, don’t talk about the Koran, don’t grab any female genitalia, in fact don’t go. If you must go, don’t open your mouth, and don’t move your arms. Ugh- this is our representation. No wonder the world hates America. Thanks Vlad, nice choice. 
Trump has extricated Melania from her New York Tower for this trip. The Jared the Ivanka are also along to distract from the oaf. Maybe Ivanka will offer sales contracts on Ivanka Hijabs (made by children in China) to be sold with a copy of her new book “How to Be Like I Want You to Believe I Am”…or something like that. 
By the way neither Trump woman covered their head in Saudi Arabia. More hypocrisy from the man who criticized Michelle Obama for the same offense. “Many people are saying” f*ck you Donald Trump. —they are.

On a side note, NPR has interesting results from their latest poll. It shows how devided we are as a country in what we believe our priorities should be with our foreign policies: selfless humanitarianism, or materialistic greed. Don’t let my granola breath influence you, but come on Republicans!

There is also speculation in the news today, or hope, that Trump will seek political asylum somewhere and never return the U.S., in order to avoid his imminent impeachment and prison time. We won’t be so lucky. 
Meanwhile back on the ranch, Mike Pence is scrambling to appear as if he had nothing to do with the Russia scandal. He was kept in the dark about Flynn, and in spite of the fact that half the country knew what was happening, he did not…no, really. He is also raising money for a 2020 presidential run. So in other words, he is too stupid to have seen the writing on the wall, but he’s presidential material? Me thinks you can’t have it both ways. Pence is on the list of likely impeachables. (new word) 

Okay, that’s it for me…I can’t stand any more. There is a day to have. Happy Saturday! 

<a href=””>Descend</a&gt;

POTUS 45 Prison Diet and Exercise Plan

Donald Trump believes the human body is like a battery, with a finite amount of energy, which exercise only depleted.

You may have been raised on the belief that exercise keeps you young and fit, and eating a diet of high fat foods and sugar is unwise… science may have misled you… as it has with climate change. 

**You want to look like this? Read my new book. 

Scheduled for release sometime in 2018—

“POTUS 45 Prison Diet and Exercise Plan”

This book and exercise video will do for health and fitness the same thing the GOP hopes to do to Obamacare…the same thing Russia is doing to democracy…the same thing Jeff Sessions is doing to racial equality…the same thing Pence is doing to LGBT rights, and what Trump himself has done to the women’s movement. 

This book spells out a diet and excercise plan using the most monosyllabic text available in the English language. 

The diet:

Steak with ketchup, beautiful chocolate cake, two scoops of ice-cream must be consumed daily.

The workout:
It is my bigly belief that exercise is hard so, if you have to move for any reason, use a golf cart.

**Moneyback guarantee- if your head doesn’t look considerably smaller in 6 weeks you may file a lawsuit for a full refund.

*Masters Degree in Diet & Nutrition ~ Trump University.  


<a href=””>Notorious</a&gt;

If I Were A Secret Memo

Another uneventful day in the life and times of Donald Trump. Not much to say other than:

Congressman Democratic Rep. Al Green of Texas called for the impeachment of President Donald Trump Wednesday. 

It’s been a long, a long time coming, but I know a change gonna come, yes it will…

It is much too soon to flush, but good to know someone finally got off the proverbial pot.

There was something else…


If this were a movie, we’d be at the point when it finally looks like the good guys outsmarted the villain, and the villain cannot recover. If I were a secret memo what would I say?… 

  • “Today he told me to drop the Flynn investigation.” 
  • “Today he wanted me to pledge loyalty.” 
  • “Today he asked me to speak to him only in Russian.” 

When I want to feel hopeful I turn to Twitter 

As an investigative reporter with reliable sources Louise Mensch offers up Trump tidbits that very often prove correct. Today her word is Comey knew he was on his way out and prepared not only by leaving a paper trail of secret memos, but he also left a digital trail on his primary work computers. 

Comey’s computers were fitted with software which allowed the Justice Department to see if, how, and when they were illegally accessed…which they were almost immediately after he was dismissed. Comey’s data was copied onto removable media and given to Russian Diplomats…like the ones who met in the Oval Office the following day…when trump divulged highly classified information…to Russian Diplomats. I guess this has proven true, since a copy of Comey’s entire file was recovered. 

One last item before I rest my thumbs:

**Note the Apple Watch on his wrist. 

House oversight panel chairman Jason give up your iPhone if you want health insurance Chaffetz is resigning from Congress due to an Ethics Complaint. Estimated departure date – June 30. 

Buh bye Jason


<a href=””>Farce</a&gt;

Schizophrenic Russian Hysteria— Not Covered 

Russian President Vladimir Putin is willing to turn over his “records” of the recent Oval Office meeting between Donald Trump and senior Russian diplomats. 

“If the U.S. administration finds this appropriate, we’re ready to provide a record of the conversation between Lavrov and Trump to the U.S. Senate and Congress,” ~Vladimir Putin

Hmm…he has a “record” of the Oval Office meeting— between Trump and Russian foreign minister, Sergey V. Lavrov and Moscow’s ambassador to Washington, Sergey I. Kislyak—the meeting photographed by the Russian press, but banned to America press— the meeting when trump disclosed highly classified intelligence to a hostile foreign government— yes that meeting…he has records of it. And this is supposed to ease our minds of any concerns.  

Putin went on to say— Trump’s foes in the U.S. “don’t understand the damage they’re doing to their own country, in which case they are simply stupid, or they understand everything, in which case they are dangerous and corrupt. It’s hard to imagine what else can these people who generate such nonsense and rubbish dream up next.” 

Yes Vladimir, Russia is the victim of a “Russophobic hysteria” that is gripping the political establishment. I believe “Russiaphobic Hysteria” is a preexisting condition dating back to WWII, it won’t be covered under the GOP health plan. So what I’m saying is—get use to it.


Poor misunderstood naked horseback riding former KGB agent, now Russian President Putin who made Donald Trump POTUS 45. Russia is not happy to witness good friend Donald Trump suffering at the hands of a “politically schizophrenic” government. I would say political schizophrenia falls into the category of mental health… also not covered. Maybe get use to that too.

Can we all just stop paying attention to the man behind the curtain and go about our business so Russia can get on with governing America? What could be the harm in that? 

As former FBI special agent said:

“Follow the trail of dead Russians.” ~ Clint Watts

We have reached the precipice of this crisis.  The Trump family has reportedly been playing a shell game with their money since the May 9th firing of Comey. 25 sealed indictments are supposedly ready to be served, so what’s the hold up? It’s time to take the big step. 


<a href=””>Precipice</a&gt;