A Limerick for My Baby

Twenty one years ago today

On a hot humid summer’s day

Zoe landed on earth

(Yes—some call it birth)

‘Twas done in a quite painful way

                                ~

*Fair Warning ⚠️ details of the story:

Are, well…indecorous and gory

From ruptured membranes 

(Some might complain)

No meds, IV or suppository 

                                ~

“Stop screaming and try to focus!”

“Happy place! Use self hypnosis!”

I was a pirate “avast ye”

In pain “my dungbie!”

I had a baby— hmm almost didn’t notice

                                ~

Although that last line isn’t true

Every cramp, stretch mark, saggy boob

I’d do it again

My daughter, my friend

Because my life, it began with you!

                                ~

Happy Birthday little Zoe!

______________

<a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/relieved/”>Relieved</a&gt;, 


U With the Uterus 

Hey! You with the uterus! 

Stop right there!

Drop that insurance card!

Hands in the air!

You suspected pregnancy 

And bought a urine test

Don’t try to pass it off as new— 

The condition pre-exists!

Mammograms and Pap smears

All your women’s needs

You expect them to be covered 

In your health plan? That’s just greed.

Rich old white male politicians 

Won’t vote to subsidize the cost

Of care to keep you healthy here

In America— democracy is lost

Though they all had mothers 

Who birthed them at one time

Do their moms see what happened 

To their Repugnant offspring? It’s a crime.

A tax cut has priority 

Over compassion and ethics

Viagra however— treats a condition 

Which never pre-exists

So, you with the uterus, 

Happy Mothers Day!

Of that uterus, what happens to it— 

By the way, you have no say

Though the senate won’t approve this bill, 

Their version keeps women under attack

Because it’s not orange, no it’s Women 

Women are the GOP’s new black

Dear Kellyanne Conway,

Not that there’s anything wrong with trailer parks, but so I can understand your background, I have to ask, is that where you were raised? Probably not, because if you were I imagine someone would have slapped you on the side of your head and told you to get your damn shoes off the couch…sharp heeled shoes on a light colored sofa at that. Even if these are your new Ivanka shoes that you purchased on clearance, you do not put them on furniture—ever.I beg to differ with this tweet. This is basic diplomacy. Most cultures, such as the Japanese, remove shoes before entering a house, and in other cultures, such as Arab, showing the sole of your shoe is an insult. Even in my own filthy home, no one puts their shoes on my sofa—it’s disrespectful.


She was trying to get a picture, okay Mr Dreyfuss. If she is employed in a new capacity as the official White House photographer perhaps she should dress accordingly. 


Listen, I am first and foremost a mother. The moment my children’s neck muscles allowed it, I taught them how to sit. It is essential that you consider what you are wearing before deciding on a sitting position.

If you are wearing a skirt be aware of how much you are exposing.

And I am not being sexist in this post, because I extend the same reminder to men.


Kellyanne, it has been argued that you are bat shit crazy, is that the reason you sit the way you do?  You will never be invited to meet the queen if you don’t learn how to sit. The queen made that mistake once.

You are not in pre-school, you are in a big girl job, wearing big girl clothes. Learn how to sit properly.

Yours with all the respect I can muster,

Lydia 

Separation Anxiety

Parenting isn’t always so gratifying

If I claimed that it was you’d know I was lying

From colicky babe to a teen non-complying

Rules you broke you would claim needed clarifying

Light up shoes without laces before you were tying

First day of first grade you held tight- that was trying 

Costly clothes you out grew I’d end up rebuying 

The ones that were stained only needed tie-dying

Just a few days from now you’ll be off flying 

Back to school then my makeup will need re-applying 

Yes: “Parent well, children grow, bonds need untying.”

Now each time one leaves it’s my eyes that need drying

____________________

January 10, 2017

<a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/uneven/”>Uneven</a&gt;

Carrie Fisher’s Legacy 

The news of Carrie Fishers death saddened me, but when I realized her mother has survived her I was heart broken. Singing in the Rain, Tammy and the Bachelor, The Unsinkable Molly Brown—all starred Carrie’s mom—Debbie Reynolds. I’m not sure if my children have ever heard of her, but I grew up watching her old films on my parents console tv. She was America’s sweetheart, and has had more than her share of devastation. No one should have to bury their child—even if the child is 60 years old. 
Carrie Fisher also entertained me in my youth. Feminist Princess Leia led the rebellion in Star Wars…those films I saw in theaters. However, in my opinion Carrie Fisher’s real talent was writing. She wrote several semi autographical novels infused with her dry humor. In them she not only shed light on her life—far more interesting than any film, but she bravely disclosed her personal struggles with addiction and living with bipolar disorder in a time when those things were not discussed. 


Carrie Fisher was a pioneer in her personal writings on the subject, and to some extent she diminished the stigma of mental illness, inspiring others to share their own struggles. 

I recently read a statistic that 18 percent of the adult population suffers from some form of mental illness: conditions ranging from panic disorder, depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia,  etc. The number is surprising because many people still suffer privately for fear of how it will change the way they’re treated. 

Carrie Fisher was not just the bipolar child born of a Hollywood couple, she was an actress, a writer, a daughter, sister, mother— but her legacy might be that she gave sufferers of mental illness the courage to fight, and she helped the world understand— mental illness is not a failure, or a weakness, it’s a disease that doesn’t discriminate, and most importantly it doesn’t have to define you.

My favorite Carrie Fisher Quotes: 

“Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”

“I don’t want life to imitate art. I want life to be art.”

“Youth and beauty are not accomplishments. They’re the temporary happy byproducts of time and/or DNA. Don’t hold your breath for either.”

“Two of the saddest words in the English language are, ‘What party?'”

“I have two moods. One is Roy, rollicking Roy, the wild ride of a mood. And Pam, sediment Pam, who stands on the shore and sobs… Sometimes the tide is in, sometimes it’s out.”

“Stay afraid, but do it anyway. What’s important is the action. You don’t have to wait to be confident. Just do it and eventually the confidence will follow.”

“I’ve never been ashamed of my mental illness…it never occurred to me. Many people thank me for talking about it, and mothers can tell their kids when they are upset with the diagnosis that Princess Leia is bipolar too.”

“I drowned in moonlight, strangled by my own bra.”

I send my cyber condolences to her family.
________________

December 27, 2016

<a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/ovation/”>Ovation</a&gt;

When Black was Black

I remember when brown was the new black…the original new black. When brown was the new black my children were small, I was still married, and a heavy snowfall didn’t fill me with anxiety knowing there was a long driveway to clear before work. 

Long underwear, sweaters, snow pants, coats, hats, scarves, mittens, boots—check, check, check, check, and check. Snow in the days when brown was the new black meant it was time to grab the sleds and head out back where the perfect long steep hill led to a creek that gave sledding an extra element of excitement. You had to know when to abandon ship. Hot chocolate was always waiting. Brown was a good new black. 

But then it was pink. When pink was the new black I started working third shift. Life wasn’t so fun anymore because mom was always exhausted and moody. Pink was the new black for so long that pink became ugly. Now pink is the new heroin; a stronger, synthetic, deadly, legal version…but I digress.

After pink, every color of the rainbow had it’s fifteen minutes of fame as the new black. My life had as many shifts, both bad and good. Orange hit the jackpot with a television series. 

When the world ran out of colors the new black morphed: Monday was my new Friday because I worked weekends, Volkswagen made a New Beetle, fifty became the new thirty (only fifty year olds believe that one), climate change is in the process of making beachfront property the new Atlantis…and the big finish: second is the new first…the new president-elect who came in second in popular votes won the election.

I can’t remember what I did with my time before all this nonsense, but I think life was simpler when black was black.

________________________

December 18, 2016

<a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/moody/”>Moody</a&gt;