Don’t Get Married

“Courtship is to marriage as a very witty prologue to a very dull play.” ~ William Congreve 1670-1729

*If you are happily married— check in with me tomorrow, when I’ll be ranting about Donald Trump, take today off.

To everyone else— Don’t get married. This is the single most valuable piece of advice I offer anyone interested in the opinion of a compulsive over-thinker. 

*Disclaimer— I am not a licensed therapist. These are my opinions…today.

When you get divorced, unhappily married people come out of the woodwork to tell you their tales of woe and beg advice from someone who came out on the other side. 

“How did you do it?” “You’re my hero.” “I’m afraid of dying alone.” (I hear the faint sound of a tiny 🎻 violin playing in the distance.) I hate to tell you this, but we all die alone.

I know very few happily married couples. “Hey Siri, what’s the divorce rate in America is now?” Holy Hell, that statistic has gone up since I last checked… 50%. I hope my post dissolution euphoria had nothing to do with the spike in numbers.

The anniversary of my divorce just passed. Ah yes, I remember it well… the feeling I had when I walked out of the courthouse on that crisp sunny autumn day… an ethereal lightness of being, my soul ascending to another plane… (“Free Bird” playing in background)

“Why shouldn’t I get married Lydia? We’re in love and I need health insurance.” (That may be me someday- I hate Trump)
Live together. The medical insurance problem is fluid, so don’t  be hasty. I have a few questions worthy of consideration for you. Why do you feel the need to involve the government in your relationship? Are you really so insecure in love that you need legal participation? Are you afraid your partner will notice that long chin hair and disappear in the night? Is the charade of your perfection too exhausting to maintain? Are you eager to let yourself go? Blenders and toasters are quite affordable these days. 

“I neeeeeed to be in a relationship.” These people try to hang onto the relationship that’s over until they can find the replacement part. If they somehow mistimed the exchange, and are between victims, they are desperately searching and boring everyone to death with their tales of despair. — Don’t be this person. 

“But we want a long term commitment.” Buy real estate in both your names, and set up a 30 year mortgage— bam, long term binding legal commitment. You might walk away with a profit. 

“I want to claim ownership.” With this statement I sense an imminent power struggle. Marriage does not guarantee monogamy. If a person is going to cheat, a piece of paper won’t prevent it. You can vow to be faithful without the help of the court system, and if you discover your lover isn’t loyal it’s easier to kick’em to the curb without the encumbrance of a marriage licence. 

“The sound of my biological clock clanging gets louder every day, it’s deafening.” It is a proven scientific fact, and has been since the dawn of man, you do not need to be married to procreate. Additionally, you should not consider having a child unless you have the financial means to support one alone. Children are a lifelong responsibility. You can not count on someone else sharing the responsibility or the expense, married or not— That’s a fact Jack, and here’s another— the species will not die out without your contribution— just an observation.

50% failure rate, or is it a success rate— is that cup half empty or half full? How many of those who stay married are happy doing so?

Marriage is called an institution for a reason. It can be suffocatingly oppressive, and an unequal division of labor is impossible to avoid— which leads to resentment. With marriage you can’t just walk away without going through an (often) expensive lengthy legal process involving a third party. What is romantic about that? 

So with that final happy thought in mind, I am thoroughly enjoying my solitude today…but, if you happen upon a single version of Colin Firth, who happens to have a good health insurance plan, liberal political leanings, and isn’t opposed to a vegan lifestyle, leave a comment, à tout à l’heure. 😜 (Okay, cue the circus music.)

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<a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/ascend/”>Ascend</a&gt;

Share Music with Coco the Cow

With moms, there’s a way to check in 

Sans text or (God forbid) speaking

Send random video’s

I believe I should know 

I’m the mom- on the receiving end. 

                              ~ 

A beluga in a tank kowtowed

Music played in a field for a cow…

Behind a barbed wire fence 

A captive audience

Music’s savage muse- it’s a thing now

                                ~

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<a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/savage/”>Savage</a&gt;, 

A Question for My Fellow “Libtards” 

Although I know we don’t all agree

Nothing of you is lesser than me

I don’t question your wit

But what language is it

That we speak in the land of the free?


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<a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/pluck/”>Pluck</a&gt;

Days of Murky Politics

**Fair warning: philosophical and political musings expressed here are tainted with liberalism. 

Today is June 17, 2017, and as has been the case since November 9, 2016, there is an over abundance of news available for me to slant into my (correct) position: 

  • Donald Trump is now officially under investigation yet he continues to tweet himself into a corner. 
  • Ivanka, beautiful leader of the faux feminism movement, is now too under investigation.
  • Trump continues to ignore the emoluments clause spending 1 of 3 days as president at a Trump property… there’s more, always.

Rather than a specific event, today I choose to complain in general, about how we got into this fine mess (aside from Russia). 

Regardless of the chaos in the world today, only half of the American population has an opinion with regards to politics, the other half is blissfully ignorant. (I too was happy once.) Of the opinionated half, party affiliations are deeply rooted. That doesn’t stop constant attempts by both sides to dig each other up for replanting. 

I don’t expect to change opinions of those who have them, and I’m not interested in an argument. I would like to plant a seed of thought in the minds of the politically disinterested. (Not unlike what a person forming cult would do—which I am not.)

Human beings are as selfish a species as any other. We protect our selves and our own above all else. It is a dog eat dog world out there, and we all want to feed our dogs first. (I don’t really know what that means.) I’m trying to say we can not do for others if we are struggling to do for ourselves. 

This is a common but subjective philosophy. It can be said that a paycheck to paycheck existence prevails at every income level. The more we make the more we spend. There is never enough money. 

This is why no one wants to pay taxes, because we need every penny we earn, but unless we are among the Donald Trump’s of the world, we do pay taxes.

For example, if the muffler falls off my car, it’s a big deal for me. I punch my steering wheel, curse my ancestors, and then pull out my credit card hoping it won’t be declined. I whine about how unfair life is…woe is me, and then I call Lyft in order to fulfill my Sisyphean lifestyle. (Uber is on the grab your wallet list.) 

Miserable people (whom I try not to emulate), focus their thoughts on those who have more money to throw at their problems. If Donald Trump’s muffler falls off, he probably fires his driver. Others who are more well off than I might buy a new car. But what about the other half? 

The compassionate sect (sect? maybe I do harbor a subconscious desire to start a cult) consider people without cars, people without bus fare, people without a job to go to. Focusing on those who have less makes it easier to realize my life isn’t that bad…(I sincerely apologize to my steering wheel and ancestors for the verbal and physical abuse they frequently suffer.)

Let’s change that muffler that fell off to an appendix. We all end up in an emergency room when our appendix falls off, and some of us will be devastated because the gold lame string bikini we just purchased for our Fijian holiday won’t cover the new scar, for others among us the medical bills and the unpaid time off work will be the final financial blow that will put us on the streets. 

We pay taxes to pay for things like roads and streetlights, but we also pay taxes because we are not dogs eating dogs. We help each other because—

THERE BUT FOR THE GRACE OF GOD GO I.


Open your eyes and take a look at the people who have less than you. You are not a better person because you have more money. You do not deserve to suffer less because you had a trust fund. Everyone deserves an education. Everyone deserves healthcare. With these thoughts in mind, you need to register to vote, and then vote, and find a way to be blissful without the ignorance.
Here is my final momism for the day- spend less than you make, smell the flowers, and vote ethically by voting out the venal GOP. 
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<a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/blossom/”>Blossom</a&gt;

An Early Summer Day’s Dream

Frantic persistent president 

Pestering one and all

Kushner, Coates, Pompéi, Rosenstein,

Sessions—(racist elf screwball)

~

Trump had pulled each of them aside 

Late winter, early spring

Asked them inappropriately

To ‘fix the Russia thing’

~

That FBI guy James Comey 

Wouldn’t pledge his loyalty

He doesn’t seem to get it— That

“Apprentice” guy…is me!

~

I am Donald Trump the builder 

I grab pussys galore

I know Putin, I don’t know him 

I’ve answered this before

~

I have deals, no deals with Russia

Putin is watching now

I really hope he’ll tamper 

So I can win somehow

~

I’m the worlds worst type of person

Surely you know of one

A narcissist with money and

Two stupid grown up sons

~

I have a lovely daughter who

I would really like to date

She’s my image consultant, says:

“Bomb Syria, looks great”

~

The popular vote– lost bigly

I’m an electoral president

With a million dollar lawyer 

Who calls me predisent

~

Bob Mueller now investigates

On his desk is a thick file

He has me on obstruction and 

Though it may take a while 

~

Witness Tampering, and perjury

My crimes accumulate

The big crime I’ll be convicted of

Is Treason… bet you can’t wait

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<a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/revelation/”>Revelation</a&gt;

U With the Uterus 

Hey! You with the uterus! 

Stop right there!

Drop that insurance card!

Hands in the air!

You suspected pregnancy 

And bought a urine test

Don’t try to pass it off as new— 

The condition pre-exists!

Mammograms and Pap smears

All your women’s needs

You expect them to be covered 

In your health plan? That’s just greed.

Rich old white male politicians 

Won’t vote to subsidize the cost

Of care to keep you healthy here

In America— democracy is lost

Though they all had mothers 

Who birthed them at one time

Do their moms see what happened 

To their Repugnant offspring? It’s a crime.

A tax cut has priority 

Over compassion and ethics

Viagra however— treats a condition 

Which never pre-exists

So, you with the uterus, 

Happy Mothers Day!

Of that uterus, what happens to it— 

By the way, you have no say

Though the senate won’t approve this bill, 

Their version keeps women under attack

Because it’s not orange, no it’s Women 

Women are the GOP’s new black